Noodles for arms

Sun’s out guns out. This is the motto that I live by. Okay not really, mainly because I don’t have any sort of guns, especially not the kind that refer to one’s biceps. I do however have nice calves. I am also very modest. The lack of biceps does not really matter because I am a runner and I don’t really need to have “guns”. Or at least that is what I tell myself in order to sleep at night. However, coming home served as a reminder as to how weak and pathetic I am and how I need to work on these “guns”.

I live on a ranch and my dad sometimes requires help.   I cringe every single time he asks for help that requires any sort of physical strength. My body goes into fight-flight mode and I begin to hyperventilate. I look down and avoid eye contact, hoping that he will pick somebody else (even though he is staring at me for so long that I can feel where his eyes are boring a hole into my skull). This reaction is a result of having a Dad who is 6’ tall and has “guns” that are bigger than my ENTIRE body. He is intimidating  He is the man that makes lifting hay bales easy. As if it were something everyone should be able to do. If only….

ANYWAY, my Dad walks into the house and says, “Alright, I need two strong arms”

This particular time my sister is home and chimes:

“I guess that means me”

I am really bad at comebacks and retort with the most pathetic response.

“Well….I can type fast!”

BURN!

My sister looks at me as if I am the dumbest and strangest person on the ENTIRE planet. Do you know what it’s like to have a younger sibling that is more witty than YOU?! I do. It sucks. But hey, I can type fast!

I throw some jeans on and some old shoes not knowing what to expect. I also put on a long sleeve shirt because I know the mosquitoes are preparing to feast on my blood. I like to think that it’s because I taste DELICIOUS.

I know you’re probably saying, “Well why the hell didn’t you put on some bug spray, you are so dumb sometimes always”. Well, nobody else was doing it and I didn’t want to look like an IDIOT.

My sister takes one look at me and says, “Wow, you’re wearing nice clothes. That is a bad idea.”

I respond, “DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO. I AM OLDER AND WISER THAN YOU!!!” even though she didn’t tell me to do anything but I just know she was going to, I could feel it in my bones.

As it turns out we were going to a canal and pulling apart pipes so that Dad could weld them. They had been leaking so there was about a foot of water, mud, cow shit and algae sitting near the pipes.

These pipes weigh a TON. My “guns” would have snapped off if I had lifted them any higher than the back of the truck. As it turns out, I had to go through this DISGUSTING water. Nobody told me that mud is slippery. So naturally I stomp through this water feeling so cool because it was too heavy for my sister to lift and Dad was asking for MY help. Then the worst happened...

I slipped in the mud and my legs went out from underneath me. I landed in this lake of ALL DISGUSTING THINGS IMAGINABLE, with a pipe on my legs!

Normally my Dad would have said nothing and just waited for me to get up. But what does he decide to do?! HE BURSTS INTO LAUGHTER.

At first I was laughing, “Haha clumsy me. Look at me covered in cow shit and other disgusting things. How funny. I am so dumb. LOL. Okay, I need to get up guys…help???.”

They just keep laughing at my obvious misery. I mean seriously, where is their empathy?! I haven’t done manual labor in AGES (like 6 months) and here they are laughing at this poor kid who only has been learning how to type fast for the past 6 months.

I manage to get out from underneath the pipe COVERED in crap all the way up to my elbows. Did I mention that I smelled really good? So good in fact that I am thinking of pitching it as a cologne fragrance.

Name: Rotten Everything

Then as if I wasn’t HUMILIATED enough, my sister says, “I told you”.

Oh, thanks.

 I get up and help load the pipe into the back of the truck. That is when I realize that I have to hold on to this pipe or it will fall out.

How the hell was I going to hold on to this zillion pound pipe going uphill?!

I have no "guns", so how would I do this?? I wrapped my legs around it because I have amazing calves, and managed to hold on to this pipe while Dad went way too fast around way too many curves. I went the rest of the day smelling awful and had mud in places you don’t want mud.

Even though I smelt bad for the rest of the day, even after I showered, I had a good day. I got to spend it with my sister and my dad. It was a ton of fun. 

Living in the middle of nowhere is sometimes always fun.

On another note these are some pictures of the landscape surrounding my house. The best thing about these pictures is that I did NOT have to hike 16 miles to MAYBE see amazing landscape. All I had to do was walk out my front door or run up the mountain behind my house.  

Things I love about being home:

1)Family...duh!
2) Being able to see the stars at night
3) Waking up to birds chirping and not cars
4) Going on a run that does not require the use of crosswalks
5) AND obviously the weather, which is much better than the rainy crap that the Willamette Valley always has...it is never ending..

Anyway, home was good but it is off to Ecuador on Tuesday!